Breathing in self-hatred, breathing out compassion. Breathing in hopelessness, breathing out hope.
Breathing in my anger at others, and again breathing out compassion for them.
Breathing in the thought “I am not lovable” and breathing out the thought “I am lovable.”

Have to say, didn’t think it would help that much, but I promised someone I would try it.

Surprisingly, by the end of the day there was much more calmness about my present situation and I was able to enjoy my evening. And this morning, as I sat outside on the porch drinking my coffee, a peace came over me regarding the person that I have spent so much of my energy on, to just let him be. Normally, a thought like that accompanies another thought … “because he’s a *^##^% jerk,” but this time it accompanied a feeling of love for him that I don’t think I have ever felt, and more importantly it felt like the most loving thing I could do for myself at that very moment … and it wasn’t something I actually had to “do” … it just happened.

And my energy level is up, but light. Not heavy and burdonsome feeling, like the “crazy” energy I have usually relied on to get me through my life.

Not too shabby for a half day’s work. Thank you!

I know better and still I get caught in that place of dread where I want control. I don’t stay there as long as I used to. I reach the point of active surrender much sooner.

Oh, so infinity is tapping you on the shoulder! And, as don Juan describes infinity, it is “something that exists out there and rules our lives,” and as such is always present in some form. We are all guided by infinity, the spirit, the dark sea of awareness, as the old sorcerers called it, and once we align our intent with infinity it will keep coming back to tap us on the shoulder again and again.

Thanks for the feedback! And good luck acquiescing to the onslaughts!
Jan

I am so blown away by this entry.

I have seen the writing on the wall, and I tangled and untangled and re-tangled myself in the “psychological exaggeration” trying to find meaning in it. I fully understand what it means as it all unfolds, and then POOF, I forget.
I didn’t realize that my current scattered state and energy depletion was in part a reluctance to face infinity. Your entry reminded me that the process has begun, and I am adjusting to the “onslaughts of infinity.” There’s no turning back, and that is such a gift.
Thank YOU.
Moving with the filaments in the vast abyss,
Moya

–Fernando Pessoa